Teacher to SAHM

First of all, I have neglected my blog… uuggghhh!  I have spent the last three months caring for, snuggling, and loving every minute of being a Mommy to this little one…

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Yes a formal introduction to my blog readers: this is Claire Renee, born on September 10th, 2012 weighing 7 lbs 6 oz.  She is clearly much bigger now!

I have also finished another semester of grad school and am officially halfway done.  So, although I don’t like it, I have a legitimate excuse for neglecting my blog.  I hope to get better… a 2013 resolution.

So back to the title of this post: Teacher to SAHM… a recent transition.

My husband and I have made the decision that I will continue my maternity leave and stay at home with Claire for the rest of the school year.  It has been a hard decision, and a hard adjustment.  I know, despite my internal struggle, it is the right decision for our family.

And what an internal struggle it has been for me.

I dread this conversation:
Person: “What do you do?”
Me: “I stay home with our daughter.”
Person: disgusted look, “Oh.”

Maybe it is just my insecurities, but I am not looking forward to that day.  Why has our society transformed to this view?  We value working mothers much more than stay-at-home-mothers.  Do we value money and things more than time with our children?  We look at women that choose to stay at home as less because they don’t have a career: almost as if since they chose to stay home they must not have the intelligence of those who have chosen to work.

For us, this was not an overnight decision.  We went from at first me going back to work after Thanksgiving, to taking the whole semester off, and now extending it for the rest of the year and possibly indefinitely.

At this point, I can’t imagine leaving Claire at 6:30 in the morning, returning to her at 4:30 (at the earliest) and only having four hours with her before it is time for her to go to bed.  This four hours would mean that I didn’t go to the gym, didn’t run any errands and had no grad school.  I am amazed by the moms that are able to do this- I don’t know how they do, how they manage their time– KUDOS to them!

So in the meantime, here I am, home with her.  I am continuing grad school and I still hope to someday be a principal or in a leadership position in the education world, but right now I need to be Mom.

In the meantime, I also need to learn what being Mom looks like to me: it is different for everyone.  I need to learn to deal with that internal struggle I am having.  The internal dialogue that says, “You were supposed to be a career woman.  You were supposed to climb the ladder in the word of education.”  I need to learn that sometimes our careers can be put on hold to pursue our first calling: Mother.  In the midst of being Mom, I need to find ways to still challenge myself, stimulate my mind and find my way through this new journey… Motherhood.

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